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In April 2019 het André Bekker nege getuienisse van voorheen homoseksuele mense van Suid-Afrika op Facebook geplaas. Hier is die agtste een.
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Coming OUT – finding my identity IN Christ!
By Jane Gibson
I’m sure most of you have heard of the song titled, “Born This Way,” by Lady Gaga.
The opening lyrics begin with:
It doesn’t matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M.
(I.e. it doesn’t matter if you love your partner and it doesn’t matter if you love God.)
Just put your paws up ‘cause you were born this way.
(I.e. we’re all just animals anyway, so follow your instincts.)
The song continues with:
There’s nothing wrong with loving who you are.
He made you perfect.
Cause God makes no mistakes.
There ain’t no other way.
I was born this way.
The song has sold over 8.2 million copies worldwide, becoming one of the best-selling singles of all time. It’s also known as one of the gay anthem songs.
The overall message is that it doesn’t matter who you love, what you love, or how you love – simply put: love is love. There’s nothing wrong with you, because you’re perfect, and it’s okay to do what feels right to you. This is certainly the way the world thinks today. We’ll come back to why I mentioned this later.
Brief Introduction: About Me
I grew up in a loving Christian home, and attended St Johns Church in Bothasig during my childhood and youth. It’s been 8 years since I gave my life to Jesus, which happened just before my 27th Birthday. At the time, I lived in Table View, and St Matthews Church became my spiritual home and family for the majority of those years. When I moved to Parow North in May of 2017, I made the difficult decision to leave St Matthews, and find a church closer to home. I’m very happy to have found Christ Church Tygerberg, which has become my new spiritual home and extended family in Christ.
Before conversion
Before coming to know Christ, I was a very different person. Even though I grew up in a Christian home and believed there was a God, there was something that was eating away at my conscience. I knew deep down inside, that what I was feeling wasn’t normal and it wasn’t right. But, I tried to defend the way I was feeling, in order to justify that it was right. I would reason like this: I’d say, “God, you made me this way, and if you made me this way and you love me for who I am, then you must accept me.”
As a young child I played boys’ sports. I also preferred playing with boys’ toys and wearing their clothes. I remember wishing I was a boy. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep because I thought I was a boy trapped in a girl’s body. I would often think that God had made a mistake. I was 14 or 15 years old and in grade 8 when I acted on my feelings which resulted in my first lesbian relationship.
I have a memory of reading Leviticus 18:22, which says: “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.”
I was furious after reading it. I felt hurt, unloved and alone. One word that describes how I was feeling — abandoned. Was I an abomination to God? The same God that everyone said loves me?
I began to question God; I’d say: “God, why did you make me this way? Why can’t I live the way you made me? Why would you make me this way and then tell me it’s wrong, that I’m an abomination in your eyes?”
The love I felt for my girlfriend, however, is what seemed right to me. That was a turning point in my life – “God didn’t love me”, is how I reasoned. And I decided to fully embrace the lesbian lifestyle. I was ‘out’ and proud of it. I became aggressive towards those who didn’t accept me, almost forcing them to love me for who I was or shut them out of my life completely. The gay community, however, accepted me and loved me for who I was, and for the first time in my life I felt like I belonged.
Conversion
Some years went by. I was 26 years old. One day at work I overheard a colleague talking to someone else about Jesus. She was someone I used to party with, but now there was something noticeably different about her. The way she spoke about Jesus revealed how much she loved him, and the change in her life intrigued me. That day marked the beginning of my conversion, which was a slow process over a few months.
I decided to go to church again and eventually started attending regularly. Reading my Bible became a daily delight, and all I wanted was to hear from God. I was still living with my girlfriend at this time, but what I read in Mark chapter 10 one evening would change my world. I no longer had a desire for my girlfriend; my desire was to follow Jesus. That moment was the start of another turning point in my life.
Mark 10 is the story of the rich young ruler. He asks Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life. Jesus responds by telling him to sell everything he had and give all his wealth to the poor, and then follow him. This young man walked away, disappointed, because he realised he could not part with his wealth. There was something in my life that I wasn’t willing to part with for a very long time. My sexuality had become my core identity.
Jesus, however, had now become more important to me. I wanted to follow him. My focus was turned away from my sexuality and turned toward Jesus instead. I love the simple way one writer describes her conversion, she says,” I wanted to say NO to sin and YES to Jesus”.
What I knew at that moment was I couldn’t wake up every morning next to my girlfriend and follow Jesus.
Jacky Hill Perry, also a former lesbian, describes her conversion like this, “just sitting in my bed with the TV on and the sun not yet up – I saw Jesus. He was better than everything I’d ever known and more worthy of having everything that I thought was mine to own, including my affections. They were for him to have and to be glorified with”.
Jesus was offering me something way more satisfying than anything this world could offer. Everything in this world is temporary and only offers a moment of happiness. Yet, Jesus offers us himself. He offers us eternal life and to be right with God – that’s true joy; that’s real happiness.
I then realised that I was the one who refused to part with what I believed was right for me. I turned my back on God. I was the one who rejected him. Jesus was the one who was abandoned and alone on the cross at Calvary. He died in my place, taking the punishment for all my sins (which includes greed, lust, envy, sexual immortality, the list is endless), so that my relationship with God can be restored. That’s true love.
Romans 5:8 comes to mind: “…but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
After conversion
Since coming to know Jesus, my life has changed dramatically. One of the first things I did was to ask my girlfriend to move out, and I stopped frequenting gay clubs. Most of my friends didn’t understand the change in my life and a lot was being said about me. I was talked about negatively at school for coming out as gay and now the same was happening for coming to know Jesus. Initially I lost most of my friends. I’d be lying if I said it was easy, but Jesus captivated me, and that was all that mattered. My thoughts were consumed with Him, and all I wanted was to know him more. The best way I can think of to describe it is when you love someone so much, and you want to spend time with them and get to know them better — that’s what it was like to know Jesus.
I’ve been single since becoming a Christian, and I can with confidence say that I am content. Jesus is enough. He is my joy and all that I need. My singleness also gives me more time to volunteer in ministry. I never thought I’d end up serving in children’s ministry — I used to say that I didn’t enjoy working with children. But, God had other plans, and He placed a passion within me to share the Gospel.
Although my sexual sin may have been the loudest in the past, it has become softer, almost silenced. As a Christian I still struggle at times, but I’m committed to living God’s way, whether that means continuing in my singleness or one day getting married to a Christian man.
I’ve also been fortunate enough to go on three short-term outreaches to George, serving in a cross-cultural context, in some of the poorest communities in South Africa. This is the highlight of my year — serving alongside Gospel focused individuals, all working together to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
Some years after becoming a Christian, I found out that my dad had been praying for me for 11 years. Once a week he would meet with a friend and pray for my salvation. He persevered in prayer and handed over to God what he knew he could do nothing about, except the best thing, which was pray. Although my parents didn’t agree with my choices in life, they loved me regardless. I believe their actions and prayers played an important role in showing me the love of Jesus.
Remember the song I mentioned: Born this Way. I have bad news for you; the Bible confirms that we are indeed born this way. But, the meaning differs from the message of this song. The Bible confirms that we are born sinful and broken. Here’s the Good News – Jesus died on the cross in our place and was raised to life so that we can be forgiven and have new life. The song, Born This Way, also says, “There ain’t no other way”, but Jesus says, “I am the Way.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 says: Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new is come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself.
Rather listen to these words:
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
Here in the death of Christ I live.
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
In Christ alone my hope is found.
He is my light, my strength, my song!
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine.
This is my story, this is my song!
Praising my Saviour all the day long.
Previously I found my identity in my sexual preference. Now I find my identity in Christ, and I am a new creation. The great apostle Paul said, “I count it all nothing compared to knowing Christ”
The church, the bride of Jesus that He gave his life for, is where I belong. His people have encouraged, corrected and loved me. We as a community of believers are all equal when we put our trust IN CHRIST alone.
The world will say you were born this way. Jesus says you can be born again and have new life. Further on, in Mark 10, the disciples ask Jesus, “then who can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “With man it is impossible, but not with God, for all things are possible with God”.
Praise God that I can say: Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found.
Hallelujah (which means, thanks be to God), it is well with my soul!
Isn’t that a better song to sing!